“So I won’t just go . . . crazy . . . if I forgive myself?” “No, I am certain that you will not. Your brain and life lessons won’t go anywhere. You’ll just feel good again. Don’t you deserve that?” She nodded. “I think I do.” Whole Again: Healing Your Heart and Rediscovering Your True Self After Toxic Relationships and Emotional Abuse Jackson Mackenzie Don’t you deserve to feel good again?… Read More
Over the weekend, I had a conversation with my oldest son about him finding a church to attend. It was clear to me, and I’m sure to him, that I still struggle with a lot of anger towards religious institutions that bring more harm than good. The shame. The fear. The guilt. The judgments. The abuse of power. The taking advantage of the vulnerable. I had to work hard to offer much… Read More
Midnight Mass helps me to understand that most of us are on a journey looking for the same thing. Relief from our pain. Some of us find it in addiction. Some in denial. Some in justification. Some in abusing others. Some of us come to the realization that we have chosen the wrong things.
I visualized myself as an adult, who wasn’t afraid to look her abuser in the eye and say it with firmness and walk away. NO. After having done a lot of work around understanding abuse, I know that feeling regret or shame over not saying no will only keep me on a destructive path. As I look towards the less traveled pathway it must be with self compassion. Only then, am I able to continue to move into what feels like uncharted territory.
Where our limitations begin, another person’s gifting can begin.
Love means to learn to look at yourself / The way one looks at distant things / For you are only one thing among many.” Ah, yes, now I remember: I’m not the sun at the center of anyone’s solar system. If I keep trying to put myself there, insisting that I am special and my life must have some sort of special meaning, I’ll die in despair or in delusion. From… Read More
“Most of our operative images of God come primarily from our early experiences of authority in family and culture, but we use teachings from the Tradition and Scriptures to validate them!” The Importance of Experience Richard Rohr’s Daily Meditation My earliest memories of religion involved sitting in an elementary age Sunday School class. My most vivid memories of that time include a teacher placing felt Biblical characters around on a green board… Read More
This morning I read a post by Jen Hatmaker that hit home with me on Facebook. As I am writing this, Jen’s post has been liked, loved and cared for by over 40,000 people. While I have been unable to read all six thousand comments, it is clear from what I have read that many relate to her post. Here is my comment in response: Jen,Thank you for sharing. Your post and… Read More
Experiencing God did not take away my pain, nor did it prevent that pain from leading me down more harmful paths.
When your reality is not seen or known, that is the trauma. Bessel Van Der Kolk