If you have been on social media recently, you have most likely been bombarded with stories about the lives of Anthony Bourdain and Kate Spade, two shining stars in our world whose lives were snuffed out recently by suicide. We are left with more questions than we are answers. Article after article has been written this past week to celebrate their lives and attempt offer some clarity as to why they ended so abruptly.
This morning I read a post in The Nation about Anthony Bourdain by David Klion. In this article, he described Bourdain as a man who truly experienced all that life had to offer, the good and the bad. Klion ended the article by stating:
Depression can sometimes be the price paid for seeing the world too clearly, in all its contradiction and cruelty, and for being unable to endure the full weight of it. No one saw more of the world more clearly than Anthony Bourdain, and the awful tragedy is that the one thing he may not have seen clearly was his own irreplaceable contribution.
Anthony Bourdain experienced the best that life in this world has to offer, however he was also very familiar with the darkness, and if this article is correct, it seems it became more than he could take.
Working at a residential treatment center like I do, gives one a clear picture of the cruelty and contradictions in the world, unlike any other place I have ever been. There is a stark contrast between being here and the church I worked in for a decade. Sometimes I long to be back at the church office, especially on the heavy days at work when I hear the horror stories that our minds do not want to comprehend. Last week I left work so overwhelmed by the sexual abuse stories I’d heard, I found it difficult to think of anything else. I cried on the way home and wondered what kind of hell is this world that we live in. It was a stark contrast from my days at the church office when I went home concerned, because I wasn’t able to balance the church’s checking account. As I write this, I wonder why these two worlds are so different. It seems that ministry and mental health should be working hand in hand.
Based on my experiences, however churches and mental health organizations work apart more than they do together. The church many times has felt to me like a place where we escape from the horrors of life and tell ourselves that things are much better than they really are. When bad things happen in the church, such as abuse, the church does not know how to deal with it. When people suffer with depression or anxiety we offer pious platitudes in an effort to put a band aid in issues rather than work towards truly helping one another heal from hurts. I am amazed at how many stories of people I hear of people who have been more traumatized than helped by the church. I recognize this is based on my own limited experiences, and that there are many churches who are truly helping others, but this has often not been the case for me. Many churches I have been a part of have caused me to think that if I would just do what they think I should that I will somehow be spared from the pain of life. Either I am doing something wrong or they are wrong, because this has not been my experience. I read an article recently by a very wealthy evangelist who described her own tragic story of sexual abuse from her father. She went on to talk about how she forgave her father and later bought him a house. While I do not judge the validity of her story, I struggle with the message it communicates to those of us who have not been able to forgive and reconcile and live with the fallout daily from abuse. I also struggle with her books which encourage that a proper belief system can end depression and anxiety. This doesn’t feel at all like relief to me. This feels like judgement and control.
Jesus said a bruised reed He will not break, a smoking flax He will not put out, and His life on earth revealed this clearly to us. Where people were unheard and hurting, Jesus was there listening, loving, and bringing comfort not judgment. I believe these days we would more likely find Jesus in a residential treatment center than in a church.
When I read the stories of people who have chosen to end their lives, I am able to understand the reasons why they do so. The world can become very heavy and dark at times, thus the reason we need one another so much.
Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”
Matthew 11:28-30 NLT
Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ.
Galatians 6:2 NLT
As I have written this blog, I have really struggled to find the words that I want to say. The reality is people are hurting in our world, and we desperately need to help one another out. We need to be doing the work that saves lives.
Four years ago when I exposed my former pastor’s abuse I lost my job and my church family. We were forced to move, because I was too ashamed to even go to the grocery store. When we moved we had to start all over in a new place. We didn’t have any support or friends in our community and there were times the pain was so much that I wanted to die. Had it not been for those like my therapist and others in ministry who stayed in contact with us through email, we might have given up. We have drifted in and out of churches sometimes finding support. Sometimes feeling more isolated than ever. However, right now we are in a church where we feel supported, and we are very thankful for this!
My heart cries out to the Lord that He would change this. The hurting needs to stop. We need to be Jesus to one another. We need to stop the judging, the pressure and learn how to truly love. We cannot do this without Him. But we can repent that we have been trying to.
Then if my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sins and restore their land.
2 Chronicles 7:14 NLT
For more information, here is a video from
Diane Langberg :
If you are struggling with suicidal thoughts, please reach out. There are people who will help.