In order for something to be redeemed, you have to acknowledge how broken it is. Sharon Hersh
I don’t like to talk about how broken I really am.
I don’t like to think about the damaging effects sexual abuse has had on my life.
I don’t like to acknowledge how dark my thoughts have been.
I’d much rather put on a positive front and pretend I’m much more together than I really am.
I’d much rather you think it’s all in the past and that those things don’t still effect me.
But the truth is, I am still very much broken, hurting and needy.
Sometimes I just manage to convince myself I’m a lot better than what I really am.
But then things come up that remind me of my past and I remember.
I’m hit with the cold, stark reality of how broken I really am.
And it’s really messy.
So messy that I throw my decision to eat healthy once again right out the window and pull through the drive in at Dunkin Donuts. Two chocolate cream filled donuts provide two minutes of sweet pleasure and relief, followed by a stomach ache and thoughts that just return.
Why is it so difficult to face the pain of how desperate and needy I really am?
Why do I run to everything else before I run to Jesus?
Because I like to be in control.
But I’m not really in control.
And that’s what terrifies me the most.
People can and will hurt you.
I can and do hurt myself.
My body longs for redemption and relief.
My soul longs for a world where all the wrongs will be made right, where little boys and girls won’t be abused anymore.
Where our perfect Heavenly Father will meet our every need.
The dark, unimaginable horror stories I’ve heard and seen in my own lifetime in even small glimpses cause me to realize why Jesus had to die.
Sin indeed leads to death.
It is horrible. More horrible than our minds want to imagine.
We desperately need redemption.
This truth is never more clear than when things are falling apart.
When we try to cover up our pain what does the rest of the world see?
Do they see broken people made whole?
Or do they see people who manage so well on their own that they don’t need to be redeemed?
In order for something to be redeemed, you have to acknowledge how broken it is.
Jesus, grant us the courage to acknowledge our pain. To cling to your righteousness for our covering alone. The world is desperate and hurting and needs to see your real redemption at work. May our brokenness be the cracks where your light shines through.
But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us.
2 Corinthians 4:7 ESV
For we know that if the tent that is our earthly home is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. For in this tent we groan, longing to put on our heavenly dwelling, if indeed by putting it on we may not be found naked. For while we are still in this tent, we groan, being burdened—not that we would be unclothed, but that we would be further clothed, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life…
2 Corinthians 5:1-4 ESV