Sometimes my life has seemed like frayed and tangled pieces of thread and fabric strewn all over the place and nothing at all has made sense. A few days ago I witnessed my husband’s angry outburst over a safe he was trying to move that had fallen and dented the wall. The outburst was yet another evidence of the stress my husband has been under from our recent trauma and his own history of abuse. It felt like nothing was going right, and I wondered if maybe God just wasn’t against our family. Thankfully, we talked through it like we have learned how to do, and we encouraged one another that we’d trust God to get us through one day at a time – and sometimes five minutes at a time.
When I say I trust God I want you to understand that this isn’t an easy concept for me. I struggle with faithlessness and unbelief way more than I wish I did. God continues to encourage me gently to look to Him and I keep looking at the circumstances. Sometimes so much so that I begin to feel trapped. Our counselor encouraged my husband and I to say the words, “God I believe in you” daily even when we don’t feel like it. It seemed a little too easy, and I’ll admit my pride said, “Does my counselor really think I don’t believe in God?” Yet, I have been praying as she advised, and I’m already beginning to see God’s hand moving in ways I didn’t expect.
Yesterday I began to see some of the pieces of my own tattered life come together with that of another one of God’s beautiful frayed souls. And what I could see Him making after only a few minutes of conversation was nothing short of miraculous. I barely knew her, and for some reason, that was nothing short of the sovereignty of God, my name had come to her mind and she’d invited me to lunch. Listening to her story, I knew I was right where I was supposed to be. There were too many similarities between some of my struggles and her own for it to be coincidental. I knew after all this time and struggles with loneliness that I’d made a friend. I felt so relived, and thanked God for answering my prayer.
Today I’m going for a job interview with a counseling ministry to interview for a job as their ministry representative. I have no idea if this is what God has for me, but it certainly seems like a possibility. They are looking for someone to contact churches in the surrounding area and promote their counseling training seminars that equip leaders in the church on how to counsel it’s members in a healthy way and inform them of the legalities when they don’t counsel properly. Even if they choose not to hire me or if I decide not to take the job, I’m so encouraged that God is allowing me to see that there are some who are making an effort to protect others in the church from being abused. I appreciate your prayers for wisdom as I interview for this position today.
Thanks for your continued love, prayer, and support. God is weaving something beautiful into all of our lives even here on this blog.