I’ve written so much on this blog. It’s been a rollercoaster of dealing with my own confusion and pain. Some of it is difficult for me to read. But as I’ve written every word the darkness has come out into the light, the confusion has begun to diminish, and I’m beginning to see some hope.
For those of you who’ve read, attempted to understand, or who’ve prayed for me – thank you, thank you so much. Your loving acceptance of me has helped to keep me sane.
My husband is really, really struggling with trust. He struggled before, but as you can imagine it’s almost impossible now.
Our counselor has us praying that God would deliver him from the spirit of condemnation. He grew up an adult child of an alcoholic. His father is old and in poor health, but still manipulates him. My husband feels like a Vietnam vet going back into a war zone when he has to talk to him. My heart breaks for my husband. We do not believe God has called him to continue to deal with his Dad, if He did certainly He’d provide some grace for him to do so, but He hasn’t. My husband needs closure and a lot of acceptance about what he can and can’t do. Please pray God would bring him to this place. Also pray God would provide a trustworthy friend for him.
I feel a sense of real hope about this church we’ve visited, and it’s helped, but I know we are going to need to take steps of faith to reach out and develop relationships. I am totally confused about what steps to take. I know I need to trust God five minutes at a time to get us through and show us the way, but it is hard.
I struggle still with communication with God. Sometimes my mind feels like a thick fog. Writing seems to be the light that shows me the road ahead, but I’d love to be able to feel the joy of His presence once again. Please pray for this with me.
Please pray for my former church and leaders. I go from being angry at them to feeling bad for all the pain this whole mess put them through, but I don’t think they really know how much the church as a whole was damaged and how much it needs to be dealt with. They did not handle my things in a healthy way. There has been so much damage done. We poured our hearts out to them before we left. We’ve done what we needed to do. The rest is up to God. Pray for my former pastor and his family that God would heal them.
Thanks for reading this and praying. I know so many of you here are suffering and struggling, too. My heart and my prayers go out to you.