Ten years ago I believed a big lie, packaged as a minor indiscretion; you know one of those little “white lies” that we don’t tell that will hurt others, so we fib to protect them, rather than give the the truth we owe them.
The lie originated from the same place all lies do, the big liar, the evil one who hates all the truth and wisdom that Christ is.
The big lie was delivered from the mouth of a man who I trusted was telling me God’s truth. Much like the lie Satan told Eve, I thought doing what he said would bring me good. Boy, was I wrong.
I should have known better. But I didn’t.
You see, I believed an even bigger lie about myself, that I wasn’t worthy of good or even of living a life of truth.
Deception had been a part of my life from as far back as I remember. Life was lived by performing evil deeds in the dark with those who were supposed to teach me what love and truth really meant. Evil at its worst.
I learned you didn’t tell others the truth or you’d be more hurt. I learned that you controlled whatever you could and if something went wrong it was always your fault.
When I sought to get help from my pastor as an adult there was this little girl inside of me wanting more than anything else to see that there was another way to live. She hoped this man could show her. He promised deliverance was coming and she desperately believed him.
But then the big lie came. We are soul mates. In another time and place I’d marry you. Please don’t tell anyone because they’ll never understand.
I remember the disappointment that day so well. The little girl inside of me went back into the dark and wept. She’d thought there was a different way than living in the darkness of secrets and lies…but obviously she’d been wrong.
Perhaps it had been unrealistic to believe there was a better way.
I’d told this man so much of my life. He was so accepting of me. No one had ever made me feel so special. All the love and acceptance I’d ever longed for seemed to be present in him. So I believed the lie and gave myself to a man whom I thought embodied a hope I could see. I believed the lie that loving him this way was ok. I turned my back on the only Hope I’d ever had, the Hope I couldn’t see in God, who’d promised He’d never leave.
Even in all the sin He never
left. Even as I gave my everything to this man, God was faithful to me. Even as I imprisoned myself more and more into the prison of darkness and deception with this man God continued to teach me about His grace as much as I could hear, gently showing me there was a better way.
The prison door came opened when I told the truth. I just could not live in the dark anymore. It was killing me. In the light I was finally able to see that the man I’d placed all my trust in was just another broken human being like me.
God and my husband forgave me. How I thank God for His mercy, grace and love.
He’s shown me there is a better way. It’s called the truth. He is the truth. There is No Lie in the truth. Love grows in the truth and dies in the dark. God is the good physician. He prescribes truth because it will bring healing to our broken souls with His love that casts out all fear.
The pathway to healing is Always in the light of Truth. Don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise. Embrace the truth even when it hurts. You won’t regret it.
There is a better way.